ugh

some points I want to talk about

• sudden desire to play/learn badminton again
• I already learned for a year when I was in eighth grade then went back to swim
• why do I want to play badminton
• why do I not want to swim
• what do I do

so first I have this really strange, really sudden urge/desire to play badminton again. I don't know if it's because I'm around all these badminton people all the time: Louisa, Young, my sister -- and I did really like badminton but my mother made me choose between swim and badminton and I chose swim. Don't get me wrong, I do like swim... but it's lonely. It's only fun when you have friends among the team or you're all really close + coach too. And it's not like that for FF and I just .... I don't know. Also I'm not too fast for swimming and I've never really liked it, it was just something that I did from when I was really little and just kind of kept up the thing. .___.
actually who am I kidding I've always hated swimming with a burning passion it was just the people on high school JV swim who were really nice and I liked them
but swimming was all bad plus I can't even get onto varsity and I'm not fast fast :c sure I might be good at 100 breast and 100 IM but that's JV and I couldn't even get an award >____>

I did learn badminton before, and I know the footwork and general basics and how to clear and smash and drop and tumble and I wonder if more practice/getting fit/re-doing badminton/turning up will make me better and stuff. Me and my sister learned at the same time but (not to brag) I did pick it up/get better faster than she did, and now she's already pretty good. So I keep wondering if I had kept with badminton if I could have made varsity badminton by now...

Apparently Louisa and Young are "high end" badminton and (just saying, imo) they're not that good, even if they do have expensive rackets >___> (not just my opinion, I talked to Jeremy about this too)

so well I don't know

we made plans sort of to go to CBA over the summer... maybe. I also want to take up private lessons again, dunno how my mom will receive that news.

I WANT TO BE GOOD AT SOMETHING ;~; so obviously swimming is not working maybe badminton will? Dude this is so frustrating I don't even know what I'm good at or what my mindset is or what's causing these urges it's just

I want to play badminton. I want to try it out once more before I give up on it totally. 

.......OR SOMETHING?!

I don't know if this is a long term desire or goal or whatever but man do I want to play badminton