in which janjan hates things

i hate life
i hate people
i hate seeing you
i hate not seeing you
i hate you
i hate this
i hate finals
fuck finals
i hate not being happy
i hate being sad
i hate this burning feeling that's living in my chest

............i really want to try slitting my wrist
FUCK
if you know me you know that i despise any sort of physical pain or watching others get hurt even in movies when you know it's fake and cgi and all i still hate it
but i really want to try
fuck fuck fuck fuck

i hate this feeling i get when you are around
i hate being dependent on anyone
i hate being dependent on you
i hate being alone
i hate being lonely
i hate feeling weak
i hate appearing weak
i hate that others judge me
i hate that i care about what other people say
i hate other people staring at me like they're judging me
i hate it when people leave so i push them away first
i hate the fact that i'm not pretty
i hate the fact that i hate that fact that i'm not pretty
i hate that i'm so shallow
i hate that i'm so vain
i hate you change your attitude (do you even know that you do?) whenever you're around her
i hate the fact that you give nice hugs
i hate the fact that you make me confused
i hate myself

but i don't want to die.... yet
if i wanted to die i'd swallow pills
i'd rather feel physical pain than emotional pain or nothing at all is what i mean
right now i just feel an intense loathing for
everyone