It's always been like this. Mainly fangirling over this one boy while still stealing peeks at other guys too. Just like the way I fangirl over Korean pop stars, actually................
Anyways.
This year I find that I've kind of changed. It might have started over last year too, freshman year, starting high school and all that crap.
But I've just started like switching crushes around. Getting an intense fangirl moment every time I see someone cute, then forgetting about them until I see them again. Not really liking anyone in particular. But also getting jealous over someone who's not mine, and probably don't even have feelings for that person except like...... friend rights. You know what I'm talking about, right? Like when you have a best male friend and then that male friend gets like a girl or starts dating and all of a sudden you don't have a best friend anymore. That girl's totally stolen him away and if you try to talk to him, even explain to his gf that you're just friends, she'll get jealous and like try to ruin your friendship.
That sort of thing. That sort of 'jealous over friend rights/time' thing.
But not really liking anyone.
And this year it's............ kind of been confusing. Although I think I've finally got my priorities straight, at least for a little bit. I've been texting this guy all the time and people keep thinking that sooner or later we're going to get together but a few weeks/months ago, I realized that I didn't like him. And I finally got a concrete answer (although dunno if it's........... really concrete; what does 'not really' mean???) and now I'm feeling relieved. Relieved because.... it'd be even more awk, I guess, if he liked me and I didn't?
Another part of the reason I found out that I didn't like him was because I sort of liked/was attracted to another guy.
.........which shouldn't be that big of a deal, since I'm always attracted to lots of cute guys besides, but this was....... sort of different. Plus I wasn't looking for dating/relationships anyways, but ...... I'm getting off topic and this is going nowhere.
OH
YES HE JUST SAID SOMETHING THAT CLEARS UP EVERYTHING YES
me: why am i so fickle
9:59 PM him: Fickle?
How so?
me: i dunno
i think i like this guy but i also think other people are so cute and have mini obsessions over them
10:00 PM plus i keep switching liking different guys
him: I think James Bond had a similar problem.
10:04 PM me: hm/
him: Also.
I think most human teenagers have a similar problem.
10:07 PM me: yeah.......
10:10 PM him: :D
10:11 PM me: ..........
nope this is even more awk
him: D:
Is it?
Why?
me: maybe it's just me
i feel
like
.............
it is
awk
hmmmmmm
what am i
to you?
10:13 PM him: You are a pretty Janis who I like talking to, but our personalities
don't really
well
click.
me: oh
well you put it
perfectly
why didn't i ask you this before
you could have like
cleared up my confusion
him: I think it had something to do with awkwardness.
me: right.
him: Wait, what confusion?
Why confusion?
10:14 PM D:
me: yeah because
i like
thought i liked you
but
.........then was like
more attracted to another guy
who was
.............more
clicky
so confused
for about a week
10:15 PM him: D:
But the confusion's gone now, right?
me: mhm.
10:16 PM thank you.
him: Good! :D
Anyways. Bottom line. I like a guy other than him, and he comes with a whole lot of other problems too, so I'm glad I can like......... have this whole other thing off my back and focus on deciding whether I like this boy enough to deal with his problems.
Oh, and if he likes me too.
Fun stuff, young love.
No comments:
Post a Comment