h o t

it is so hot right now I can't even like it's dry and sweltering and dusty (stupid construction right outside my dorm window!) and the first floor dorms are apparently a lot hotter than other floors (damn).
I think my mood is very dependent upon the weather.
right now I would like some good old Cali 60 degree weather. mmm, yes.

also I am not used to capitalized letters anymore LOL just spent a long long time revising/editing (thanks Alicia and Albert for looking over/giving me feedback!) on my poem that we're going to workshop in class tomorrow.
That's one thing I don't like about my poetry teacher, Gail Thomas -- she makes us read our stuff that we write in class out loud. Like okay, you can pass, but you're strongly encouraged to read it. And since most people read it anyways, you feel bad when you pass.
ALSO I feel like I'm gaining weight here :c they have lovely sugar cookies and ice cream sundaes in the cafeteria and also lots of carbs so my face, which was once headed for Cheekbone City, has turned around and is now on the road to Babyfatland.
But my face is clearing up and hopefully I will have a nice natural face even when I don't use BB cream c:

w/ BB cream:

still a bit shiny :c darn my large nose pores and oily face. but I am pleased to note that my collarbones are more noticeable.

w/o BB cream:

red patches, but not many noticeable pimples c: (lol blackheads are another matter...)
also today I vid-chatted with Mak again

 and Kimberly and Sela (friend, roommate/friend, respectively) were making weird conversation in the back and obviously all four of us can hear each other LOL. Kimberly also dyed a blue streak in her hair it looks very nice. Someday I will do the same.
And I keep watching way too much White Collar but nope I haven't abandoned the Olympics yeah Phelps became the most decorated Olympian whoot yey also USA girls' gymnastics got team gold whoot yey also Gabby Williams got all-around gold for gymnastics whoot yey
Maybe I should do some more SAT work. >__> I am so lazy wae
Also Mr. Liu, if you're reading this, I opened a chat with you yesterday but you didn't respond and I checked back at the chat like ten minutes later and you were offline. Hm.

Anyways, if you want to read/critique my poem (okay, disclaimer, it's not a poem poem and it doesn't rhyme. It's more like the form of prose poem. gosh. and yes, everything's not capitalized. and yes, there's no punctuation besides parentheses and the period at the very end.

eleanor&jake

a pretty man with pretty eyes smiled tulip petals at me

and he slid into the seat at the table next to me as i drank my tea and scribbled things in my notebook that no one will ever read

he makes conversation and he’s funny and i sort of blabber a bit and retreat

there was a girl sitting where i sit and i’m a little miffed because it was my seat and now it’s been captured by a slight petite being with not straight not curly hair

she looks up and her eyes are not blue not green but set in porcelain

(i see worlds in them)

so i go over and talk to her and i sit and sort of blush & blunder until i realize i am being upstaged by a sunshine covered notebook so i leave and go into barnes&nobles

he leaves and i think he is gone and i sigh but he is back again with a notebook he actually went and bought a notebook of his own

i used to write a lot he says and i haven’t been doing so well lately, so thank you

i could fall in love with him

i could fall in love with him it could be so easy like cheating on a test or walking across the street without waiting for the little silver man

he is real

we scribble in our notebooks she and i and i get the feeling that she is concentrating very much paying more attention to how the ink cuts the paper than the exact words

i draw the way her eyes are too large for her face and cheekbones like watermelon rinds and i feel that she is missing

i want to find the pieces and put them back together like a jigsaw puzzle like my favorite one

it was twenty four pieces and i loved liked it because it was easy and the picture always formed familiar tulips smiling at me

i want to find her monsters and keep looking under her bed with her it could be so easy

i’m missing the pieces of myself

they are all of my monsters but i cannot find them under my bed or in the closet or stashed away hidden somewhere   

hidden not gone     missing not gone

they told me that monsters are not real

he is real and i do not want to be fake or phony but real real real

i looked up and he was gone a second time

pretty eyes and pretty smile

the bridge of his pretty nose

the arc of his pretty eyebrows

he had left his notebook though and i picked it up and the first page was blank empty and so was the second and so was the third so i flipped to the back and on the last page there was a me in smudged blue ink  and i was sad but i was happy.