mother knows best

she had large glasses
       long dark hair
she was impatient-tyrannical
she was harsh
soft, an easily molded mind
i looked up to her.
she sat at the keyboard
and music tune flowed out of her fingers
stilted,         out of practice
perfect
mommy's little girl
wanted to be just like
                                                     her
climbed up onto the bench
all soft edges and clumsy child grace
touch-stroke the black[white] keys with one finger
then two
mustered up all the courage and clashbang the piano sounded
she laughed
a musical sounding laugh
       and so i began to take lessons
all of a sudden
she was impatient-tyrannical
she was harsh
      shrinking back from a raised voice,
not so musical now
wondering where mother went
who was this strange creature -- that scolded and snapped and came with pain
delivered in the form of an upraised palm that smacked
                mother knew best
                mother knew best
but this was not mother
we grew brave
we grew strong
we soldiered on
we hated every minute of it
but even then i could not hate mother
mother was sweet
 and gentle
  and mild
   and funny
    and fun
it was this instrument
that betrayed clumsy slow fingers
i heard the music in my head
coming out of my fingers
it was horribly twisted, tangled
mother tried to conduct with her own hands          eyes  gestures
       we soldiered on
    tapped out little music-box tunes
and so when i went to my first competition
                mothers galore
 snapping proud pictures
my mother straightened the black lacy bow in my hair
and looked me in the eye
and told me
that winning or losing         it did not matter
all that mattered was the journey
and when i was called up
up to the front
where the judges [tall formally dressed spectacle-wearing impressive] were waiting
to shake my hand
and tell me
that third place went to 'Janis Joy Lee'
i looked for my mother
in the audience                      and she was there  smiling at me
   mother knows best

and now when i see
where i used to sit
on that hard unforgiving piano bench
i see mother.
she has swapped large glasses for modern frames
        cut medium-length her long dark hair [now grey with lines and cares and frowns] that she refuses to dye
i see how i used to admire her
mother was strong
mother was good
and i see how i love her
and all her good intentions           tireless worries    fears and hopes and dreams
mother knows best
mother knows best.