might as well

I decided since I somehow found the motivation to actually blog (I suspect boredom), I might as well get it all out.
On Saturday me, Trisha, Charlie Tong, Victoria, Feiyao (Yaobob!), Flora, Darren, and Jonathan Lu (Lulu? No, that's saved for Trisha's Lulu LOLLL) went to Kerrie's house for a night of Melee/Brawl and dinner and fun.
When I got there (half an hour late, had to go to volunteering first) Flora, Kerrie, Yaobob, Charlie, and Darren had already played some Brawl and then I watched some more games. Then Victoria rang the doorbell and I opened it, looked her in the eye, and then said "Nope, you can't come in" and closed the door LOL. I was debating not opening it for another five minutes but then gave in and let her in. There was an abundance of crackers and Rice Krispies for our dinner hahaha but luckily Kerrie had pesto pasta and hummus so it was all good. Plus her parents were out c: c: c:
Trisha came with her brother and they sat down and began to play Melee... against each other... while the rest of us just stared and watched haha until we decided to leave them alone and made popcorn. Some semi-racist jokes/sarcastic comments about the POP POP POP girl and the microwave. It's good to be talking to Yaobob + Charlie again. I haven't talked to them much since the last Melee party so wow, video games bring friends together! (even though I am bollocks [been reading lots of Sherlock fanfiction, is the Brit showing?] at Melee, I like watching other people beat the crap out of each other's characters haha)
Trisha's brother left and then we gathered around and ate pesto pasta with meatballs. Yum yum in my tum tum. Also Darren brought like five Chewy bars and I swear I ate them all HAHAHA they're so good though. Mark got me addicted. I blame him.
Melee time! Sat on the couch along with Yaobob and Victoria and first I was sitting on Victoria on the two big couch pillows, then got uncomfortable because Yaobob was taking up two seats -___- HA so we tried to push him over and ended up wedging myself in a tiny space with pillows lol. Then the whole thing about 'YOU'RE FAT' and 'I'M A STRONG INDEPENDENT BLACK WOMAN (WHO DON'T NEED NO MAN)' and 'MY COUCH' haha omq I can't explain it was just extremely funny.
We started playing Truth or Dare, which ended up being just Dare, and Charlie and the "front back side to side" dance HAHAHAHAAA HE WAS SO MAD
Finally ended up playing "King", where everyone gets a number card except for one 'king' card, and whoever gets the 'king' card is .... king. LOL
The king calls out two numbers and makes them do weird things. HAHAHAAAA OH THE THINGS WE DID
We moved into the other living room area, and I GOT THE COUCH FIIIIIRST but then Yaobob pushed me to one side and stole a seat. And then Charlie like pushed me from the other side and ended up squishing three people to a two-seater sofa deerlord. It was so squished that we could feel each other's hips .____.;
Then more crazy King stuff. ohgosh. I remember I made 5 hump the lamp, and 2 hump him AHAHAHAHAHAHFDSJFHJSHF
right. "What happens at Kerrie's house stays at Kerrie's house" :P sooooo this was kind of a useless blog post that ends with "you had to be there"
but well
you had to be.
I think that's all I have to say.
I can't wait for the next Melee party.

alright fine

Short post about San Francisco trip with Trisha, my sister, and our mothers lol. Basically an all day shopping trip :P

Sister. I don't think we look alike.

The day before, I told Trisha where I wanted to go and we basically compiled a list of stores/addresses: YesStyle, Clothes Contact (thrift store I learned about through clothesencounters on Youtube), Urban Outfitters, Forever21 (we went to TWO Forever21's LOL), and Lush.
In the end we went to more stores than that though lol.
Okay... pictures of actual shopping adventures, then haul. (All photos from Trisha's iPhone/Facebook)

First stop... YesStyle! It's in a mall called Stonebrook Galleria, I believe. 

OOTD... Outfit Of That Day lol

That's Trisha, to the left. Since I shop religiously at YesStyle, I have a lot of their merch,
including the sweater that she's wearing lol.

We left YesStyle without buying anything, although I was eyeing some cute shoes ($85!!! :c) and a couple of the K-Pop posters (don't blame me, although I like K-Pop I am not one of those crazy sasaeng fans who send their idol biases letters written in tampon blood -- search it up if you don't believe me)

Then we wanted to go to the big Forever21 but moms said there was a Forever21 here in the mall so why not go there? So we went. (And to the other Forever21 in the end anyways so LOL IDK)

I bought a skirt/shirt at that Forever21. For $20 in all. I felt proud of myself. (Pics down below with the haul pics)

Since we spent about an hour in Forever21, parents spent two in Eddie Bauer .____.

about the only interesting thing they were selling in Eddie Bauer... takes "spork" to a
whole new level. "Foonfe"?

Ate lunch at the mall (Japanese food, yum) and then set off for downtown San Francisco. Finally parked in some shady alley, then proceeded on foot. Met some weirdass people LOL. A blonde woman was running up the street in the opposite direction, paused, looked at Trisha and I (parents and sister up further ahead), and pointed as us and said "Gorgeous 1, Gorgeous 2" and then continued running. Not even kidding Idk man what's going on

After passing some very ghetto people, we were headed to Clothes Contact, but there was this creepy ass doll mannequin in the window thing and we got so creeped out by it we didn't even go in .__. Oh well.

On to Urban Outfitters!

Land of spiky hopes and dreams.

Which are then crushed by outrageous price tags ;~~~;

this adorable spiky backpack that was on sale for $40. oh how I wanted it

Apparently I look like a K-Pop star in this. I wanted this spiky blazer. Very much.

I didn't really want these shoes, but hey, spikes. They actually hurt.

 Then we went to the bigger Forever21 across the street, and my mom picked out clothes for me that were actually really nice and pretty LOL. She picked out a party dress + cardigan and ended up putting the dress back because I'd already bought the skirt. It was nice though. "I have good taste" - mother dear
Finally ... LUSH!
I went with the intentions of getting a small bottle of Tea Tree Water (toner) and a face mask.

Here I am trying on face masks. Chocolate on left, Blueberry on right

I left with a big bottle of toner and a face mask and absolutely no money left in my wallet. The salespeople are so so so persuasive (or am I just easily pushed? D:) and they got me to buy a bigger bottle lol. And spend fifteen more bucks.
After all these shenanigans, we went to Japantown (wanted to go to Pika Pika, but closing soon) for dinner.
While waiting for our food -- camwhoring.

There was this Canto guy who was really cute that we took a zoomed-in stalker photo of LOL.

He looks like Jonghyun from SHINee from the side OKAY

Then home. 12 hours of shopping deerlord.
Haul pics!

navy blue wool-ish cardigan from Forever21 that mom picked out

shirt that was only $11. I like the lace shoulders. from Forever21

LOOK IT'S SHEER IN THE BACK 

black high-low chiffon skirt from Forever21. Trisha got the pink version of this

apparently my closet is a lot more monochrome than hers -- she likes bright yellow cardigans of all things

look at this beautiful thing. clothesencounters (Jenn Im) on Youtube has the same one @_____@

Jenn Im is my fashion idol/inspiration <3

The big bottle that the salesladies strongarmed me into buying LOL

And....... the mask. I am so attractive that it scares me.

And that's a wrap.
Did I say this was going to be a short post?
Lol my b.

ew elite continuation in an hour

random picture that I took one day and never posted

the rest of the pics are all ones that I took about seventy-two seconds ago

dead: not dying

My mother says that
I look like death when I am sleeping
like a corpse all still and cold
and I smile and nod because she does not know that sometimes I wish I were dead (not sleeping)
It is strange that although I am scared of many things
spiders heights falling pain
I am not afraid of death
oh, I am afraid of dying
but not death. dying is a world of hurt and pain but still stuck in this world; worldception. death is welcoming and adventurous and new and an entirely different world.
death should be warm and fuzzy and beautiful and grateful but it has been sullied by attachments and chains, chainsaws and bloody ideas
why do we mourn for the beloved who have departed? it is a selfish kind of mourning.
I wish to embrace death. I wish to be dead. but I do not wish to die. I would like the decision of when how where to be taken out of my hands and wake up one day and say, "oh, is that really what I look like when I sleep?" and then dead, not asleep.
but for now as God refuses to give my soul leave, I must settle for asleep, not dead.
merely asleep.

oh birdy

so you know how earlier I posted a cover of Birdy's cover of Skinny Love

well now this is a cover of Birdy's cover of People Help The People that I might submit to the CD project thing instead 

lol I have no mics and no instruments just Youtube

someone have a mic I can borrow please? D:

deerlord

I just literally had the most disturbing thought that I've ever had.
There are a lot of stray cats in my neighborhood, and a few orange streaked ones are particularly fond of camping on top of our shed/sunning/lazing about in our backyard. Today (just now, actually, I think it's still there) there was one lying down in the shade provided by our patio umbrella, just licking itself and stretching out and generally living the good life. I could see it because I was washing the dishes (there's a window above the sink) and then I was washing a big, sharp butcher knife and thinking about the adorable cat.
Then I wondered what it would feel like if I could get outside and somehow acquire perfect aim and spear the cat with the butcher knife through its midsection and then for that one ponderous moment I felt almost creepily, insanely powerful. Then I caught myself and where that train of thought was going (where? I don't want to know) and then was horrified at myself.
Tell me I'm not a bad person.
I'm actually a cat person.
Tell me I'm not mad o m q

ANTB*

watching America's Next Top Model Cycle 18 instead of studying for AP Psych (it's called British Invasion because half the girls are from the UK and half from US but seriously screw America LOL what is patriotism they're such bitches GO UK UK UK)

but omq they did a photoshoot with maple leaves on their bikinis and maple syrup all over them and holy shit the ribs on these girls I swear if you pushed one of them over they'd snap in half

honestly the only girl I like

wait no I like her too she pulls off 'androgenia' really well

she'sabitch

also I have a problem with the fact that the only plus size model is nicknamed 'fiercely real' um okay like w h a a a t are the rest too skinny to be real or are they fake or are they what

she'sasullensulkybitchwhoneedstogrowup

so you've either got to be extremely curvy or stick skinny ok
wow
I am offended
let me model
I've watched enough episodes of bitchy tall skinny girls bitching at each other

I think I'm going to go far in the fashion industry, seriously.
Going back to the rib thing: if you don’t know, my ribs stick out in a really weird way so even if I get stomach fat my ribs are still like out there

and here’s a pic for people who think that I’m trying to stick out my ribs lol. in the first pic it’s normal, second pic I’m trying to bust my own rib cage out the front of my chest. (and no, it doesn’t hurt)



*America's Next Top Bitch

CHOIR (not band) CAMP

Does anyone else ever get this feeling that once something's happened, you kind of don't want to talk about/write about it? ...Maybe I'm just a bad blogger :P I guess I want to try vlogging for a bit and then just posting my vlogs on my blog. Or is that considered cheating? LOL okay whatever I tend to ramble when I write and that makes my blog posts kind of confusing to read (feedback from friends who are readers lol) but hopefully when I talk topics will lead into each other like they do in my head? I don't know. Apparently my train of thought is hard to follow ._____.

But I'm seriously getting really lazy about blogging (I don't even want to upload pictures because that takes so much time and I've uploaded all of them onto Facebook anyways so.... okay. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to vlog and then if you want to see pictures then TOO BAD IF YOU'RE NOT  MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK LOL if you're my friend on Facebook then you can stalk my album titled "CCC Music Camp 2012".
After this blog post I will feel like a successful independent black woman for blogging LOL. 

(Hooray, I'm getting Anonymous asks on Tumblr again! SCORE)

So before I filmed this video^ I was going to be a good blogger and post all the photos but now that I think about it, there are a lot of photos (64 to be exact...) so LOL NOPE
instead I'll link you to "Threw It On The Ground" (the song that our skit was an enactment of) here.

Okay, here's a few pictures.

I was the hipster in "Threw It On The Ground" during the farmer's market/phone/dad scene [in case you got bored and didn't finish watching my video up there^ lol I don't blame you it's pretty long] and Alan was the "girlfriend" LOL and he also happened to be the one where he got his butthole "tased" so yep

Roomie for the third (and last ;~~;) year in a row! Too bad most of my friends are
seniors ;~~~~~~;

Kevin! Owner of the worst goggle tan/jammers tan I've ever seen (it's not very visible
here because it's bright on the beach, but omq when I first saw him it was like
LOL WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE (not in a mean way, in a WOW YOUR
GOGGLE TAN IS BAD way :P)
also apparently his falsetto voice (he's a bass) is pretty awesome. hm.

OH! And Lily posted two of the songs that we performed at the Music Center in UCSC (both which happen to be my absolute favorites!) SO HERE YOU GO

She Walks In Beauty
(lyrics originally a poem by Lord Byron, writing about his cousin's beauty LOL)
(you can see me in the second row to the right of the really tall guy c:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1OJPU8iZO0
(because the video's unlisted, this time you'll have to expend some effort moving and clicking your mouse and opening a new tab/window. I know. So hard.)

In Flander's Field
(lyrics originally a poem, written about soldiers who died during WWI by a Lieutenant Colonel who ended up dying during the last year of WWI ;~;)

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.

(absoluuuuute favorite because it's so creepy. we were singing this at 4AM in the morning at our dorm sleepover ;D)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_doxP08M61k

Okay that's all I need to get back to studying AP Psych and watching America's Next Top Model LOL

PLEASE TELL ME

WHAT I CAN DO BETTER/SING THIS SONG BETTER
because right now it's mediocre =______=;
and my throat hurts.
So please listen to this cover

without really watching it lol because I make derp faces when I sing.
and please comment.
it's going to be anonymous anyways so feel free to be mean :P

i kind of really want a cat

why am I so unattractive I have like the sex appeal of a tree

i think i'm pretty

and as you can tell I was right my mother did go postal which is why my hair is now dyed a lovely 'natural black'.
WHY did I dye my hair if I knew my mother was going to go postal? well it's kind of hard to explain, but basically it's my hair and I like those colors in my hair and apparently so do many many other people and I think it looks good and it's my hair and it may not have been the best decision but life is life
did I ever tell you that in eighth grade my mother and I had this huge fight about my side bangs. Yes. It was ghastly. I won that one, though, because even she could tell that side bangs made me look less tree-like -_____-
also I've been looking at LUSH products and I really want to try out this blueberry mask thing because my face has been pimply redness the past few weeks I want to cry

graahghghg help

also my mother's old friend from Hong Kong + his son (who is one year older than me and happens to be my ex's brother [yes, my ex is my mother's old friend's son {it lasted two months} but no one knew about it] is coming over to stay at our house for two days to look at universities (Stanford, UC Berkeley) and I got kicked out of my bedroom
(which looks completely different now LOL there is a new desk inside it and more stuff and pictures)
also the last time I saw them (their entire family back then) was two summers ago, in Hong Kong
and now our house is the tidiest I've ever seen it
all I really want is my bedroom back :c and to go to music camp at UCSC (choir camp, NOT band camp as many people seem to assume) and I think it was so obvious that I didn't want them to come that my mother said, "be nice, Janis"
hm
when am I ever not nice

apparently this is the most common expression on my face... smug amusement(?)

oh well it's not like I'll see them much lol since I still have the last week of Elite (skipping the last 2000 word quiz like yeaaaaah [UCSC MMMF])
and plus I have a cute guy as my choir group leader (same grade too). lol I will never be a group leader I have no leadership skills whatsoever 
now I'm waiting for them to get here and then apparently we're going to go see Stanford
toodles