meoooow

since I will be flying out to Dallas, Texas tomorrow afternoon (and skipping fifth and sixth period while I'm at it, YES)
I won't have a chance to blog for the next three days.
Hopefully y'all won't miss me.
lol who reads my blog anyways no one
but
in case you do, I will leave my own "ministry of silly faces" for you.
(if you have no idea what I'm talking about, check out the "ministry of silly walks"!)
And here we go.

my face hurts

why can't I be pretty

k this pic is so incredibly derpy but sisterly love yknow

ok I think that concludes this very long camwhoring session
if only I were a pretty, skinny ulzzang
man
if only if only
gbye y'all

I need to pee

oh.
oh oh oh oh.
eating that huge bowl of ramen was not the right thing to do. neither was eating that huge golden pear. maaaan I have a food baby =^=
buuuuut I have some quality videos for you guys today.
and I think you should watch these two first because I got a stomachache from laughing too hard. Not a very good idea to do when your stomache is overloaded with MSG and sugar.

found this on tumblr: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZO9tMetxno
"I AM NOT YOUR ENEMY! I JUST WANT TO EXCRETE!"

and Albert sent this to me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv3aOjliuh8
"WE ARE SLAPPING SWORDS!"

gifs not mine
AND NOW FOR QUALITY MUSIC TIME
Eargasm. Literally.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTx3G6h2xyA

Several more eargasms.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHs99iVpnXU

and now I need to pee. because I drank too much water. to cool my mouth. from all the artificial kimchi seasoning. and MSG.
man. when I go to college I'm going to gain 43465443 pounds because I'll be living on ramen. =^=

everyone said I was cute today

WHAT, SO I WASN'T CUTE BEFORE???
loljk.
I don't know about you, but I think I'm pretty hot.

Got this bottle of supposedly 'pore-clearing' black stuff from Daiso.
Now I'm going to slack off on homework, watch The Devil Wears Prada, and eat spicy kimchi ramen.

What.

I don't know.
What do you want from me.
What do you expect from me.
Please don't expect things from me. That way I can exceed all your expectations.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're busy.
I'm interrupting.

jfkdlsjf

LOL OH SNAP 103% IN CHEM
those 30 points extra credit for the win.

Saw Chip at Starbucks.
He saw me.
Awkward eye contact ensued.
Saw him later again walking away with a girl.
Lol'd for days.

in other news, I got a haircut.
And now my hair is short.
Very short.
Picture of my hair?
Why, sure.
Here.

Although I think the main reason that my hair looks like this, is because the hair cutter person poofed up my hair when she was drying it.

do you see the resemblance I see the resemblance gah

Why am I so unkawaii LOL DO YOU THINK I COULD PASS FOR A GUY IF I WORE THE RIGHT CLOTHES

my face

Hello, gentlemen.

Look at your woman.

Now back to me.

Now back to your woman.
Now back to me.

Sadly, she isn't me.
But if she stopped wearing boring glasses and switched to kawaii glasses, she could pretend that she's kawaii like me.

LOL WHY DO I LOOK GOOD WITH THESE GLASSES
IS IT BECAUSE THEY COVER UP A GOOD PORTION OF MY FACE
HUH
IS THAT IT
...

oh.

now I see.

sadies

was fun.
Pictures were expensive. and I probably derped in all of them fdjf;lkajsd
Dancing.......... was kinda awkward at first but I thought it was nice.
Dancing with Christie.... all kinds of racy LOOOOOOOL
got there late because of swim practice and called him and saw him standing there near the entrance and then we went in together.
And talked with Trisha/Kyle and Cynthia/Ho. LOL
they made us hold hands too
because they were holding hands
Also he used two pirated-themed pickup lines on me jf;ksdjlfakjd
one was Alicia's favorite one.

"If you were a pirate, would you like your parrot on this shoulder or this shoulder?" /puts arm around shoulder/

LOOOOOOL and another one about my "(treasure?) chest".
I would say more but I'm tired.
too much win.
and too much cute.

hi

I think you are cute, you are so cute, and I'm sorry that I didn't take the chance to go and talk to you. Nerves + a feeling that I'm going to fail my chem test = nose glued to chem book all day.
Also,
I feel bad that
I am so busy
and I am going to be late to the dance
by thirty minutes
and also will have to leave the dance
thirty minutes early.
I hope you do not think too hardly of me for only being there 2/3 of the time
and I feel very bad about it,
and are we going to match?
but you are not online and I am too awk to try and text you about it.
fjd;kafslj

Also, I feel like I am now
collecting a deck
of your cards.
A nine of spades, three ace of hearts cards, and one rose card.

go stir-crazy

What would I do without nice friends to rant to.

Thank you, Albert.
For listening to me go crazy for five minutes, and let go, and talk about everything that's been bothering me. Thank you for knowing when to listen, and how to talk to me so that I'd listen to you even in my crazy state.
Taking a step back seems like a good way to go.
Talking more in person seems like a good way to go.
Everything that you're saying seems like a good way to go.
Thank you for being the only friend, the only only person who realized that all those comments were making me feel terrible, and for being the only person to apologize.

purple love

I am in misery

Maybe this is all because my expectations are too high. I can't expect you to change just for me, and in fact I wouldn't really like it if you did. Actually, I don't even know what I want. I don't want you to change. I want you to change. I want you to stay the same. There were parts of your old personality that made me hate you. I wonder where those parts went. I know they haven't really gone away, maybe just buried in the dirt.

and there ain't nobody who can comfort me

Everyone else is busy with their own thoughts and troubles and they try to pay attention but they don't, not really. In the end I am talking to glazed eyes and bobble-head nods while they listen patiently for the first opportunity to change the subject.

why won't you answer me?

I am burning with questions but I keep silent. I am seeking something desperately, yet at the same time running away for all I'm worth.

 the silence is slowly killing me

WHY CAN'T YOU TALK TO ME
WHY CAN'T I TALK TO YOU

mew mew mew

So weary, but I think I have finally figured out more about what it means to love someone.
Not just romantically, but with all your heart, and body, and soul, and mind.
When you can no longer see any of their superficial imperfections for the real person that they are.
When their smile brightens up your day instantly, and you find elephants are running around in your stomach.
When they're away, and you miss them so much that you worry constantly that they will forget you. That you will no longer mean anything to them once they don't see you every day.
That terrible, wonderful feeling of surprised relief when they do remember you, remember your birthday, remember little things about you and go out of their way to make you smile.
When you love someone so much that they're bigger than your pride.
When you stop searching for material, superficial pleasures to fill up empty voids and realize.

There were other things, but they seem to have all flown out of my head.
...
Darn it, why don't I ever have my laptop handy when I think of these things :c

my life is boring

this is basically a post made up of my feelings and everything mashed up together OTL I rarely do posts like these because they're boring for other people to read and they take too long to type up. but here goes.

so
I basically hate the bottom half of my face LOL. If only I had a pretty mouth.... a pretty chin........ a pretty jawline............ a pretty smile......... a pretty face..... :c

from now on, going to take pictures like dis OTL

Over the weekend I bought a nice kawaii pink wallet that has a picture of a bear and a rabbit on it holding hands (symbolic of an interracial relationship? LOLFJDLKFAJD IDK) and on the side it says "I CAN DO IT! OTL" in pink letters (which is basically why I bought it LOL JFKDJ)
so now I'm just going around saying "OTL" in real life online to everyone omg I can't

Also I am currently obsessed with Big Bang's new song/MV, "Blue". They're all so pretty ;~; and they all have such pretty voices ;~; and they all look so good without their shirts on ;~; and Tabi rocks blue hair HKEREH HR KJL TABI ROCKS EVERYTHING

dis guy. making fangirl ovaries explode since the beginning of time omq

Although I must say that I was very relieved that G-Dragon's hair is no longer that long black horse-tail .__. I almost died when I saw it OTL can I kill his hairstylist/coordi noona OTL OTL OTL

yeah no not for you my dear GD

now it's some short kinda bleached hair thing yes thank you your coordi noona came to her senses -___-
Anyways, Blue is wonderful beautiful I LOVE IT SO MUCH BETTER THAN "TONIGHT" JFKDLSAJ;LDKSJJD GO WATCH/LISTEN TO IT NOW

Now. I mean it. Here. I've even got the link for you so you can't be lazy.

Hm. What was I going to blog about next...... oh yeah. I forgot Victoria's birthday today D: yes, I know. How could I, my best friend??? Well I'm terrible with dates. I'm sorry. I would forget my own birthday if it wasn't on the back of my mom's car's license plate (okay no not really I wouldn't I like presents too much lul) but you get what I'm saying. I think. Anyways, I sang "Happy Birthday" to her a million times and got other people to wish her a happy birthday too and then posted stuff on her wall and now I'm giving her her present tomorrow.
Still feel like a crappy friend hmm.
Okay, upcoming birthdays.......

• Mark - Feb. 29th (which I'll miss because I'll be in TEXAS)
• Albert - March 6th
• Me - March 26th
• Sister - April 13th
• Michael - April 15th
• Trisha - May 4th
• Steven - May 22nd
• Rachel - June 23rd

AND OTHER PEOPLE LIKE LOUISA AND CYNTHIA BUT THEY'RE BORN IN THE SUMMER SO WHATEVER LOL

maybe I'll show up at your house with a bunch of balloons and a cake. If I don't have SAT boot camp at that time ;~; 

oh and things I really want hm just a few thoughts

(birthday's coming up in like a month and five days hint hint hint) LOL JK you guys don't have to get me anything you guys can forget my birthday because chances are I'll forget yours LOL

books: Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson ; 1Q84 - Haruki Murakami

skin care: ANYTHING FROM LUSH FOR OILY/ALL SKIN TYPES, ESPECIALLY MOISTURIZER ; or Burt's Bees After Sun Soother. omg one day after swim practice I saw Amy putting this on her face and I was like OMG CAN I TRY so I tried it and it was like heaven I swear lol. Amy said I was moaning while I put it on my face LOOOOL ; or EOS lip balm C: heard so many good things about this cute lip balm so I wanna try it. heehee. Yeah that's basically it.

clothes: cardigans, blazers, nice things, cute t-shirts, haha anything

music: anything Korean is welcome c: I especially want Big Bang, SHINee, 2NE1, SNSD, or Tablo stuff heh. POSTERS WOULD BE NICE so then I could stare at Minho's face all day jfdlskaf;lkdj OTL

my face is so red OTL this is why I need that After Sun Soother .__.

yeah now that I type it all out it looks like a lot now I look like a greedy pig LOL OTL but really it's not I would buy all these things for myself if I could order online :c but no credit card or debit card or even cash card OTL OTL OTL (orz orz orz) so yeah that's the end of my birthday spiel.

gratuitous pic of myself from a billion years ago just so that you don't get
really bored just reading that whole long wall of text (cough, TRISHA LOL)
man why don't I look like this anymore I used to be so cute what happened

other stuff from today: so I asked Coach Des if I could get out early on Thursday because of the orch concert at Ohlone that's going to be a waste of my time orz but I have to be there at 7 and swim practice ends at 7:20 .__. so now I'm getting out at 6:30 whee.

but for Sadies she's like "ohhh I have to ask Cory to see if you can get out" and I wanted to complain but I held the urge in lul IF WE GET OUT AT 7:20 THEN IT'LL TAKE US AT LEAST TEN MINUTES TO CHANGE AND IF WE GET THERE AT 7:30 THEY WON'T LET US IN .____________. OTL OTL OTL

Maybe we should just go into the girl's locker room and sneak into the gym quad from there. >__>

Talking about Sadies gets me thinking about other people going to Sadies and all this stuff. LOL TODAY ME AND STEVEN AND VICTORIA STALKED CYNTHIA AND HER HO to the Activities Center because they were going to buy tickets to Sadies but apparently the Activities Center was closed so while they were walking out they saw us and it was like ..... "WE'RE NOT FOLLOWING YOU WE SWEAR" /turns the other way in synchronized motion/
Also we have perfected our three-way creepy walking ;D
And then thinking about all the cute couples like Trisha/Kyle and Cynthia/Ho (desert) got me thinking about my other friend and her guy drama, which I shall not discuss here.
All I think is that if you want advice, you should tell people why you want advice, and who it's for. Sure we're going to tease you about it... but seeing as you've teased me for what, three months now? and Cynthia for what, two weeks now? it seems like you can dish it out but you can't take the heat.
Which is pretty hypocritical if you ask me.
After listening to all your bad puns and lame jokes, we should get to make some too!
And that's all I'm going to say about it because I actually do feel pretty bad for you and your position and all dat friend drama so

Now I think I should get to work on my homework hrea;lkjd I still have chem homework, chem EC, that stupid game board term sheet thing to type up, get all the game pieces/dice, and hope I don't fail the history test tomorrow or the chem test on Friday @__@

lol while I was typing all of this up I kept looking over my shoulder every few minutes for my parents storming into my room demanding that I study LOL I'M LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER NOW AS I TYPE .___________. OTL

TIME TRIALS!

so we swam 100 free, 50 back, and 50 breast today
and
for my 100 free I got a 1:03.49 ^__^ YEEEEEE
Melissa got a 1:02 lul but Arushi got a 1:05 OMG WHAT IS THIS SHE SWAM A 1:03 FOR LACTATES
and for my 50 back I got a 34.50, ehehehe not my specialty
so
who cares about back
LOL
and then for my 50 breast I got a 35.08 heeheehee I think I have competition with Bethany though :o But it was nice because I outswam all the girls and some of the guys in the 50 breast :D
okay that is all for today
except I think I did okay on my math quiz
two of the word problems were explained to me by my math tutor LOOOOOOL
so that was good
man my blog
I don't have time to blog anymore LOL

stawp

okay
so
seriously
stop staring at me
during history
and swim practice
but especially swim practice
it's freaking creepy
and not in the good way.
just stop
ok
so I'm swimming
and then
I stop on the wall
and then I see you
like
staring at me
with your goggles on
which is even creepier because your goggles are mirrored
so
creepy much.
also you are irritating
to your 'friends'
but especially to Crystal
and you're touchy
and
irritating
and annoying
and you think everyone likes you
but actually no one does
and Cory like
hates you
but you don't get it
anyways please don't look at me I HATE AWK EYE CONTACT
and your eye contact isn't even awk
it's
creepy
AND AWK
AT THE SAME TIME
WHICH IS WORSE
STAWWWWP IT

lol an ultimatum

apparently if I don't get a 92% or above on the math quiz tomorrow
I can't go to Sadies
so
fuck English
fuck WWI project
fuck Chemistry EC
fuck Chinese
I am just studying for math now
...
fucking alg2/trig
why do you have to screw my life over
fucking math

redface

Acne medication keeps me from getting pimples, but turns my entire face red and itchy and horrible feeling :c
I'D RATHER HAVE PIMPLES ADLJF;KSDJ

it doesn't look like it but right now it's so itchy and red I'm not even kidding

Anyways, we got our ACDA 2012 sweatshirts yesterday, omg there is so much to do this week it's horrible.

People were complaining about the design. .__. Sure the color could be better, maybe it's not what you expected after last year's really nice design -- but hey, it was free! QUIT COMPLAINING ABOUT IT COMPLAINING ABOUT IT IS NOT GOING TO GET YOU ANOTHER DESIGN
plus it's really warm and fluffy and I'm snuggling in it because it's warm and fluffy <3

More gratuitous photos. My bangs are getting too long again D: Dunno if I should let them grow out, or mercilessly snip them.

And this is how I smile -- reminds me of a big fat monk's round smiley face LOOOOOL I DON'T KNOW WHY

belghdfj. Ugh so much stuff to do.
Schedule for this week:

Tuesday: 10.1-10.4 math quiz; Dorian Gray test; get started on career paper; TIME TRIALS FOR SWIMMING

Wednesday: WWI project due; type up info sheet; TIME TRIALS FOR SWIMMING

Thursday: orch concert. (means waste half my night at Ohlone College)

Friday: SADIES! and finish Chinese homework :c

Boo.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

mak-intosh

just lookit dem eye bags
my eyes are red and swollen from salt water
and everything
but I'm staying up late (because I can't sleep)
and talking to Jeremy Mak
and it's nice
because he's not being annoying for once
and we're friends from swim team
and it's un awk
and
I really hate awk
and it's nice
and I'm not making sense
lol we're just insulting each other over the Internet now
wait isn't that what I do with all of my friends (except in person) LOOOOL

LOL DIS KID OMQ
you know what I did with his 'heart'
stomped on it and threw it in the Dumpster
then set that Dumpster on fire
oh wait no I'll let Jeremy explain it to you

"GOSH GET IT RIGHT GIRL"
omq dis kid

I don't have a boyfriend
what is dis kid saying

profanity galore

like no seriously don't read this please this is just a swear word filled rant you won't miss anything

stuff to do

• finish Chinese reading comprehension questions
• finish Chinese essays (two!)
• practice Sunday school children's worship songs (I'm playing the piano accompaniment, and the worship leader doesn't send me the music until the day before >:C)
• type up WWI project info sheet
• gah

dude

dis guy (another volunteer) at Tech Museum
keeps looking at me
lol
hi
is there something on my face or what
stop looking at me
omg
I just looked over in his direction and he was looking at me
/awk eye contact is awk

at westfield valley fair

you gotta go to the Apple store
and when you go to the Apple store
you gotta check out the MacBooks
and when you check out the MacBooks
you gotta take some selcas on Photobooth
and when you take some selcas on Photobooth
you gotta put them on the Internet!
(and when you go on the Internet you gotta blog about it, l0l)
SO HERE I AM

first photo's gotta be a creepy photo
because
#creepyness4lyf3

big eyes to da max

dis kid saw me take dis pic
and looked at me funny

mi madre is pretty damn cool
dunno what she's doing with her hand
she thinks she's pretty damn cool too

all dressed up to go nowhere

loljk I'm going to the mall later with mi madre.

I like thinking that I'm cute.
at least my clothes are cute l0l

what

what
fucking hell

strung along

Now when I look back at everything you've said and done, I am deceived again.

why stay when no one wants you

I am sorry for not being a very good friend
because
after you have ranted to me
I try to say nice things
I try to sympathize
I try to empathize
but my own troubles are at the forefront of my mind and so
I am sorry for not really being there for you
forgive me,
but I'd almost rather be in your place than mine.

I ranted back to you
and tried to get it all off my chest
but I'm afraid that you didn't understand fully
you don't get it when I say "awkward" I really mean
something is missing, and without that something
everything between us in nothing.
I have the strangest urge to laugh and cry at the same time, to hate you and like you at the same time.

I wish people wouldn't keep bringing it up
I wish people wouldn't keep reminding me of it
I wish people would leave me alone
when was the last time I had a conversation with one of you without someone's name popping up within a few minutes?
It's irritating, it's annoying, it's not what I'm friends with any of you for.
And I would appreciate it if all of you people could see that I am uncomfortable, that I hate it when you keep talking about the same person, that I want to slap all of you across the face and get some new friends.
It's not that easy, of course.
So I stay with you, and stay silent while you laugh at me, and resist the urge to break your nose.

and I am also
wondering whether it is possible to forget everything
and start over.
The proverbial 'blank slate'.
I would like that very much
and maybe because of that
Life won't let it happen.
@_@

Nevermind,
I will go
bring Kafka on the Shore (by Haruki Murakami) upstairs
and read in bed
read about all the grotesque, weird happenings that happen to Kafka Tamura, Nakata and his cats, Sakura, Miss Saeki --
read until I am too tired to remember and too tired to fall asleep.
I don't dream anymore, but on the strange occasions that I do it's always a happy dream. A happy dream, but I can never remember it. I'm just left with this content, horribly unsatisfied feeling. And when I try to follow that thread of a feeling, it snaps gently in my mind's hand.

Today I said, out loud, almost without realizing it
that I wanted to die
without feeling any enmity
or hatred
or bitterness
just a faint point of view.
and Albert turned and gave me a weird look
and asked me why
and all I could say was, they look so peaceful
and cold.
corpses, that is. And if we all die, sooner or later
(ashes to ashes, dust to dust)
why not sooner rather than later?

"Janis face"

everyone is going around trying to do it
but
newsflash
you're not doing it right
Louisa looks like she's epileptic
Richard scrunches up his face
Mark Tyrone looks like he's not in da ho0o0od anymo'

y'all need to get on my level.

awk hand is awk

omg where is the picture that Selena took of us in compromising positions I need to add that to my folder titled "creepyness4lyf3"
AH HERE IT IS

I know. My face scares me too.

Why is my hair blonde?

Well...
Janis always believed that she was 100% Asian.

Then one day....

Wow! Bam! Blonde hair -- out of nowhere!
How could this be???

Was it dye?
Was it chlorine from swimming?

Hmm...
AHA!

Could it be....
NATURAL???
Wow! Of course! Genius! That's logical... that's smart... Janis must be half white!

That's why she has blonde hair.........

No you guys STAWP IT gosh my hair is DYED, OKAY?
BLEACHED. USING HAIR BLEACH.
not from CHLORINE, although that's a nice try.
and
no it's definitely NOT NATURAL.
-___________-

/to the billions of people who asked me if my hair was natural, dyed, or bleached from chlorine.